Love Ain't Gonna Let You Down
by Arami Heartilly
Summary: Arthur lies awake the morning after another unspoken night with Alfred who is slowly stirring besides him. He realises it's finally time to talk about it at last before they run the risk of losing each other or ruining what's already there. USUK


Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. This story was written purely for entertainment value and no money has or will exchange hands. Original storylines are mine. Story title taken from a Jamie Cullum song and I don't own that either, it just happened to be very fitting.

Authors Note: Mostly written on one of my train journeys to/from Glasgow and a couple of trips to London and had been sat in the notebook it was written in for at least five months before I decided to type it up and post it. Alfred/Arthur, human and nation names used. Beta'd by **RobinRocks** who convinced me to type it up in the first place ^^

M rated.

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Love ain't gonna let you down

By Arami Heartilly

The room was still, the air calm and cool as the early morning sunlight broke through the curtains to illuminate what lay within. Clothes lay in discarded piles on the floor and a pair of glasses lay on one of the night stands that stood on each side of the bed.

It was an increasingly familiar sight, at least for the past thirty or so years. There was another room an ocean away and countless hotels around the world that had witnessed the very same thing.

The trouble was it was always the same, like a song played on vinyl over and over again, only sometimes they were drunk and others sober. It didn't seem to matter how closely they had been entangled before sleep - the light always separated them. Shining on too many unanswered questions, feelings expressed in actions but never in words lest they break the spell woven against the night.

It couldn't continue forever but both nations had, at least to start with thought of it as a one time thing. But over and over again they found themselves together, always instigated by an argument over something incomprehensible until one touch, one kiss between them and suddenly they were a mess of limbs fighting for skin to skin contact.

It had been fine for two decades or so, they'd fought together after all so it was clear it had never affected their working relationship… trouble was that even records can wear out if played too many times and this one was starting to warp.

Arthur had been awake for at least the past hour, he'd watched as the sun crept through the sky, pushing back the night and bleeding into the room through the gap in the curtain. It was getting brighter by the minute and he knew Alfred would wake soon and once again it would all be over. He would rather have still been sleeping, at least that way he wouldn't have to pretend to be whilst Alfred stood and dressed, gathering his things before leaving again.

It was even worse when he had to be the one to go. Every time it happened he found it harder and harder to leave or to be left yet even knowing this didn't stop him. It was as though they were testing each other and he supposed that this was likely true because whoever started to talk about it would, in all probability be the one blamed if it all went wrong.

There was already so much hurt between them after all that neither wanted to risk it and had thus so far not uttered a word.

Perhaps it was because of his age or simply because he'd never really enjoyed fighting with anyone that wasn't France that Arthur was ready to talk about it. No amount of small fickle arguments that followed - if they did - would match the fall out if they continued on the way they were. Their bosses clearly already knew and he'd been pulled aside more than once to be questioned about it but there hadn't been anything to say so they simply kept on assuming. They thought his silence meant more than it did.

Alfred mumbled and shuffled in bed as he started to stir and Arthur found himself holding his breath. His heart pounded in his ears and his skin felt cold then hot almost at the same time, he was forcing himself to stay calm as the anxiety welled within him. Surely America could hear his heart beat or tell he was shaking.

He was glad he'd rolled over to face the window, although at the same time he contemplated rolling over and holding onto Alfred pretending to still be within the throes of sleep. There wasn't a meeting to rush off to or somewhere either of them needed to be but it would feel dishonest and a little like entrapment to go about things in such a way. There was enough running away and hiding without adding lying to the mix.

So Arthur waited, tried to listen around the thrumming in his veins as Alfred stretched, moving the covers this way and that. The mattress shifted and he felt himself lulled forwards and backwards again as Alfred sat up in bed. Silence resumed once again and the familiar sound of glasses being scraped (he'd already worn a groove) across the bedside table then greeted Arthurs ears.

Alfred seemed to stop once he could see again and the mattress sunk one way then the other, like gentle waves as America seemed to move towards him. His heart was racing and his eyes fighting against scrunching tightly closed because that would give him away. He forced his breathing to even out and slowly relaxed his hands that had unknowingly been fisted in the sheets. Arthur couldn't tell how much time had passed with Alfred looking at him but he could feel the stare and it burned him, adding to the already close to agonising feeling in his chest. He couldn't move even though this seemed like such a good time to do so but he was also waiting - hoping that Alfred would say or do something instead.

Alfred's hand moved to touch his shoulder but stopped short and he slid back underneath the blankets, turned and started - albeit slowly - to slide towards the edge of the bed.

Arthur let out the breath he had been holding and flexed his fingers, trying to will them to move. This was not the time to be reserved or stubborn but instead to stick to his resolve. It had to be now if he was going to do this, after the next few days in the UK the next meeting was in Germany, followed by France and who knew how long it would be before he got another chance…. waiting for America felt too much like an indefinite period of time.

And if Alfred had really reached for him then that was at least something.

The bed creaked as Alfred started sliding his legs out of the corners and Arthur's arm shot backwards, clasping Alfred's arm tightly and wrenching him back onto the bed.

For a moment neither moved or made a sound. Arthur didn't loosen his hold and Alfred didn't try to get away. He knew he was shaking and Alfred would be aware as well, he regretted not facing him though because he couldn't tell what expression would be on Alfred's face at that moment. Arthur wanted to move but it seemed as though the only resolve he had left was allowing him to continue to holding on to Alfred.

Alfred shifted and Arthur shook, once visibly as he bit his lip almost hard enough to break the skin. But he needn't have been so afraid, an arm wrapped itself around his chest tentatively as the other arm now released from Arthur's grasp rolled him over to face him.

Alfred looked serious, absolutely and completely. Arthur had so rarely seen it that having it displayed in front of him made it all the more real. The illusion of what they had been doing was already shattered though - he had seen to that.

Alfred let go though he stayed close as they lay together side by side with the covers pulled around them. It should have been peaceful, but it wasn't and once again Arthur felt as like it was his turn - hadn't he been clear enough?

"You don't have to leave." He whispered and tried not to clench his teeth and growl the words. His lip still stung and his mouth felt dry but he had managed to say at least that.

"Do you want me to stay?" Alfred's voice was so quiet if Arthur hadn't been following the movement of his lips he wouldn't have understood.

There were several retorts that came to mind and all were angry and biting. He couldn't understand why Alfred was making this harder than it needed to be - unless of course, unless Alfred didn't want to hurt him by turning him away.

He had left once before and the memory still stung. It didn't matter that it had eventually lead them back here, had forced them both to change the way they looked at things… They had been reckless and suddenly Alfred looked like somebody who didn't want to face the consequences.

The idea that Alfred was terrified of losing the chance for something more between them didn't cross his mind.

"I'm not going to force you." Arthur would try to step away gracefully, hurt though he was, Arthur was just as much to blame for this.

"But you do want me to." Alfred looked hopeful and Arthur, confused by this just blinked, wanting to turn his burning face into the pillow and hide there until this all went away. But blind panic had a way of forcing stillness - even Alfred wasn't fidgeting. "You do want me to stay right? That was some impressive grabbing action I mean - I had no idea, I thought you were just happy to go along with this. You hadn't said anything and you get so grumpy that I didn't want to ask, figured it was best to enjoy it before you got fed up with me."

Arthur continued his rapid blinking and suddenly found it harder to breathe. _Fed up of him?_ As irritating as Alfred could be that wasn't likely. "Come on, you know I don't mess around with these sorts of things… well actually it would seem that I have been but come on, I thought you understood." He swallowed around the lump in his throat. "You always just up and left. Those first few times you were always gone before I woke up."

Alfred nodded. "Didn't want to face your regret the morning after and you acted as if nothing ever happened so…"

"But it kept happening." He sounded somewhere between exasperated and angry. Alfred looked a little hurt.

"It's not like it was forced." He sounded hurt as well. "You have always been so willing… I just…" He sighed. "You really wanna talk about this now?" His hands were fidgeting with the sheets, edging closer to Arthur as they did so.

"When would you rather discuss this?"

"Over breakfast?" Alfred suggested and his hopeful expression surprised Arthur.

"Weren't you leaving?" He asked and Alfred chose to overlook how that could have come across. There was no malice there - only confusion.

Alfred closed his eyes, thinking about his reply carefully. He'd seen Arthur like this before and more often than not he ended up on the wrong side of it. He had to stop rising to the bait so easily.

"Yes Arthur. I want to stay." He kept his face free of anything unwelcome but he found he couldn't quite meet Arthur's gaze. It shouldn't be important that he hadn't answered the current question, Arthur would surely get the point.

"Why?" He asked, green eyes serious but no longer unkind.

"Are you really going to make me say it?" Alfred instead slipped his arms underneath the covers and around Arthur's waist and shoulders, pulling him closer towards him. He didn't resist. "You're really bothered by this aren't you." It wasn't a question. Sometimes, despite all their progress Arthur was unable to overlook the past.

"I just didn't want things to stagnate." All his fight was gone again and his faith, however uncertain was now placed on Alfred.

"We don't stagnate." The reply sounded as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"If I hadn't grabbed your arm how long would it have been before you did or said something?" He managed to keep the anger out of his voice but not much else.

Alfred moved to remove his glasses again, not enjoying the way they dug into his face and fumbled behind him to put them back on the table. The usual scraping sound accompanied his actions but Arthur didn't comment, it wasn't important.

"I don't know." Alfred looped his arm back around him again. "I've thought about it but every time I play it through in my head it goes badly. One of us says the wrong thing and I don't do a very good job as the hero because I only seem to make it worse."

Arthur had been surprised by the admission and it was perhaps that which convinced him of America's sincerity. Alfred looked ashamed as though he really had been unable to save the situation so Arthur smiled, only a small rise of each corner of his mouth but it was still there and Alfred knew him more than well enough to notice.

"What?" He asked, now very confused. He felt as though they were taking turns at this. Arthur shook his head slightly, moving his previously still arm to slide between them and rest on Alfred's cheek.

"I thought you were always the hero, or at least in your imagination." The very idea of Alfred fretting over it had cast a different light on everything.

"It was thinking about not being with you at all - and I don't just mean the sex - I mean everything else too. We're finally getting closer again and I didn't want to lose it." Alfred admitted.

Politically they were both aware that things wouldn't have been affected but they would have been strained and uncomfortable and World meetings would have been even worse that usual. Then again harmony between the two of them seemed to invoke suspicion and intrigue, in some cases justified and in others… well it depended on who you asked.

"Alfred." Arthur spoke his name as a form of endearment.

"I know it sounds pretty dumb but I wanted to get it right."

"I'd say you've done a good job so far, shaky start and everything... but you really have to start telling me the things that are going on in that head of yours." Because Arthur wished he had been told all of this earlier, even if at the same time he knows how many opportunities he passed up before this one. Alfred hummed in agreement and Arthur shifted closer, finally initiating skin to skin contact.

Alfred was soft and warm against him and his fingers had been moving in slow patterns across his lower back for a while now. Any lower and they'd discover the briefs that he'd recovered at some point during the night.

"We should probably keep this between us though." Arthur added as an after thought.

"The fact that we're together?" Alfred didn't look happy about it. "I thought you didn't like the hiding and the secrets."

Arthur shook his head. "I suspect everyone already thinks we are, I more meant that we should carry on without saying anything." He slid his other arm in between the bed and Alfred, wanting to hold on as well as being held.

"Don't want the - as you would put it - 'fuss and bother'."

Arthur scowled but Alfred didn't look convinced, the fact that his hand was still on his cheek and the other was tracing his spine as far as he could reach in either direction didn't really match his expression.

"Things are chaotic enough as it is," Arthur pointed out, feigning surprise when one of Alfred's legs slipped between his own.

"True." His agreement was light hearted enough but he turned serious again, thinking something over before nodding to himself and eventually speaking. "We're okay now right? This? Us?" He took a breath. "As in there is one - you and me - no sneaking out any more, together properly." Alfred blurted and Arthur would have laughed if it wasn't already clear that this was serious.

Arthur's hand migrated to Alfred's neck and shoulder and started to give a slow massage to tense muscles there that seemed to make Alfred impatient for something.

"Yes, properly." He couldn't quite keep the aggravation out of his voice but Alfred could understand why it was there.

"I just wanted to be sure."

Arthur sighed. "I am sorry, Alfred." He spoke against skin, lips brushing Alfred's.

"Hey, we're both adults here - it's as much my fault as it is yours." That serious tone was back again and the leg he had slipped between them was now sliding steadily upwards. Arthur moved his to hook around Alfred's hips and much to his surprise America wasn't naked.

"Hmm." His leg was very close now, so very close and there were still things Arthur wanted to say. First though, he pulled Alfred flush against him, all of him and watched as his eyes went wide suddenly. "That can't really surprise you."

"Well…" His face was flushed and he bit his lip, closing his eyes for a moment.

"Come on, you've had your hands all over me and your leg between mine. How did you think I was going to respond?"

Alfred rubbed his nose with Arthur's then, breathing slowly as he tried - or appeared to try - and calm himself down. Arthur's arms moved to fully slide around Alfred and he let them slip lower, playing with the elastic of his boxer shorts.

"Wasn't sure, was going to see how far you would let me get before you stopped me." Alfred started kissing at the corner of his mouth and down along his jaw.

Arthur wanted to close his eyes but he forced them to stay open, wanting to watch, wanting to see the expressions normally hidden by the dark blanket of night in the new morning sunlight.

"I'm not going to stop you." He whispered, accepting Alfred's lips against his own, even parting them when he felt a tongue pass along them. Alfred went deep, hand coming to support the back of Arthur's head, fingers tangling and pulling almost enough to hurt. Arthur wouldn't have cared at that moment if he had. He was almost giddy with the lack of oxygen but still he concentrated on Alfred's tongue moving against his own, his fingers pressing into the skin of his lower back and the subtle rock of hips against his own.

Alfred pulled away first, just enough to breathe. His face was flushed and his eyes glassy bright. Arthur could only stare, this was so much better, so much more intimate than any previous sex hidden away in the night and they had barely even _started_. He found himself gently rolled onto his back with Alfred not so gently clambering across him to open the top draw of his bedside cabinet.

"You okay with this?" Alfred asked, grabbing what he needed from the drawer before pushing it closed again.

"Do I have a choice?" It wasn't really said as a question and Arthur was relaxed enough despite the situation to run his fingers through Alfred's hair, playing with the strands falling in front of his face.

"In this case no, not really. But normally yeah, of course you do. You have had this whole time… you're on top more than I am you know." He dipped his head down to the crook of Arthur's shoulder, pressing his lips into the skin there and sucking in just the place he knew always made Arthur shudder and arch against him.

"Why - why not now?" Arthur gasped out, curiosity clearly getting the better of him and hands working their way up Alfred's back and grabbing onto his shoulders.

"Because."

"Because what?" Arthur once again used a question for a possible answer, or was that Alfred? It was becoming increasingly difficult to tell.

"Just because okay?" He broke away, moving his nimble fingers to work on removing Arthur's briefs, pulling them all the way down and off with more skill than Arthur would have given him credit for had he not seen it.

"Yours too." Arthur grumbled, knocking his knees on either side of Alfred against him impatiently. When they were both suitably naked and Alfred slid back down against him Arthur was less patient in his movements, wrapping his legs firmly around Alfred's hips and grinding them both against each other.

Alfred moaned.

"If you want us to do this properly you're going to have to stop doing that." He grunted as Arthur continued his movements.

"And you should tell me why now? Like this?" He paused his movements but kept them close.

"Because I love you." Alfred blushed but looked straight at Arthur as though it was most the obvious answer in the world. "And I was going to show you instead of just say it. Still planning on it actually."

"Alfred…." Arthur breathed, relaxing his legs and falling back against the pillows. He was a little overcome and suddenly felt exposed all over again. His heart was hammering and his whole body tingled. He didn't know what to do or how to find his voice to respond.

Arms surrounded him once again and he found himself pulled upwards and pressed against a firm chest.

"You think you are so alone." Alfred whispered, glad only Arthur could hear him, no once else would have believed him capable of such sincerity. "You really don't need to be afraid anymore, just because I can look after myself doesn't mean I don't want to be close to someone…. actually just you... so please Arthur, you don't have to run anymore. And we can do this as much or as little as you want to… just this time, let me be the one to…" The rest of that sentence went unspoken because neither liked how it sounded or how its meaning had been tainted and destroyed over the years.

"Please." Arthur breathed against Alfred's chest, letting his fear slide away. After so long doing nothing but fighting and not being able to trust anyone else this was hard so it let it go. "I love you too, so please Alfred." He pressed his mouth against his chest.

Alfred nodded, although Arthur couldn't see him and moved them so he could do it properly.

Arthur wasn't aware of much and yet he was keenly focused on everything all at the same time. Alfred was warm and soft despite the power behind his movements and he was always touching, always making sure the contact between them was right and good.

Somehow with bright light streaming through every touch was clearer and Arthur felt as though he was breathing easily for the first time.

If they spoke it was meaningless but neither cared what the other whispered, mumbled or moaned. It wasn't that their actions spoke louder than words, but that they confirmed what had already been said.

Arthur almost cried as he came, mouth wide and head pressed back into the pillows with his eyes scrunched closed. His arms gripped Alfred's shoulders and he felt him move three, maybe four times before his mouth closed over Arthur's, successfully muffling his own cry as he shook with the sensation against him.

As Alfred pulled out his eyes met with Arthur's, wide and beautiful green, clear and open. For that moment he wasn't hiding anything and it was such a sign of trust that Alfred was afraid to blink. He replied in kind, although admittedly it wasn't the first time he had done it, this was just the first time Arthur could see him and possibly understood the level of trust Alfred was offering him.

He made short work of cleaning them up and brought the covers back around them as he settled one again against Arthur, who rolled into his touch and wrapped his arms around him. Alfred chuckled and kissed his hair, ignoring the thought that this could have happened along time ago and just being grateful that it had at all.

"Breakfast?" He asked after a while. He was beginning to wonder if this had all sunk in to Arthur yet, given how he was holding on to him and couldn't help but want to speed the process up.

Arthur moved his head just far enough to look at Alfred.

"Shower first." He replied with what could almost be called a sheepish smile on his face. Almost.

"Lead the way." Alfred replied with a smile, although he didn't move.

"Just a little while longer." Arthur replied, leaning in to kiss Alfred again and it dawned on America what England was doing. This was what he needed to believe it was really happening, to settle in to things and he was more than willing to oblige him.

Fin


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